Side affects may include scrotal itch, loss of anal grip, headache, nausea, post nasal drip, pink eye, heart palpitations, extreme low blood pressure, irritability, melancholy, paranoia, flatulence and dry-mouth diarrhea.

     While sleeping on the drug, do not drive an automobile or use heavy equipment, or chain saws. Walking down hill quickly, using a fax machine or standing close to boa constrictors could result in yet untested consequences.

     When visiting a nuclear power plant, do not stand too close to the reactor while using olden stuff, because you may experience a desire to register Republican, send idiotic emails to all of your liberal acquaintances, and vote in the general election for John McCain — even though he looks a hell of a lot like George W . Bush.

    You also may begin receiving more than the normal number of calls from telemarketers, supporters of Sarah Palin and Dick Chaney's private secretary inviting you to a clandestine water boarding.

     If you experience an erection for longer than six hours notify the CEO of the company that manufactures olden stuff and ask to speak to his wife.